I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
