so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
someone owes me an orgasm
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
