Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
