sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
