i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
