Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
