Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
