It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
