i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
