I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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