I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
