just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
