I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
