just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
