You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
