Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
