I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
