you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i used baking grease as lip gloss
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
