his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
