so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
