you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
