Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So squirting runs in the family.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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