he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
