my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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