I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
