We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
