im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
