I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
