Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
