She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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