Rock
Scissors
Fuck
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
