im drinking this country out of the recession.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
