i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
