guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
