4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
