remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
