Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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