I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
