i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
