Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I intend to get homeless drunk
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
