No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
