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• (313): View more from Michigan

  sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?

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• (718): View more from New York

  ...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo

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• (646): View more from New York

  I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now

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• (850): View more from Florida

  My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.

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