my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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