If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
