Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
