tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
