Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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