and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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