he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
