Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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